The banquet is coming up quickly.
At first, I was so nervous about it. I was nervous that I would have to be thrown in this room with all his friends and me. It was a big idea to get through my head but as time went on I became more and more excited.
It would be a night with this boyfriend that I have always dreamed of. I would be able to laugh, smile and make memories with him. But theres one catch.
He doesn’t want to dance with me.
That honestly breaks my heart. It makes me feel like I’m not good enough, like I can’t be that person to make him comfortable enough to be silly with me. Like I’m not good enough to show off. Like he can’t do this one little thing while I’m going to this whole big night with all his friends and all. All I want is one dance. I always dreamed of this.
It could be our chance at a ‘prom night’ together that we missed in high school. Ugh I really wish. It would be so cute if he asked me all cute and stuff, I would honestly probably cry. It’s always nice to dream, Right?
I sit here crying in my dark room, on my bed. I should be asleep but I can’t seem to fall into slumber tonight.
You just left and it was a really bad fight tonight.
Being me honestly.
We fought what seems like a thousand fights tonight, some of which I honestly don’t recall already. Isn’t that so pathetic? We fight these huge, disastrous fights and then I can’t remember them five minutes later, maybe its because I choose to block them out; to forget all of the bad things.
I just feel like I’m the world’s worst boyfriend.
Tonight you told me that you “might” wrap your car around a pole. And then got mad at me because I didn’t want you to leave right away. I wanted to make you feel better, to make sure you were okay.
You could do so much better than me.
We stood there in the kitchen, being angry at each other. I saw this unbearable sadness in your eyes when you told me you feel like no one would care; you felt like I didn’t care. I would be absolutely heartbroken. I would be devastated. I would feel like it was all my fault, like I could have prevented it. I would stay in bed all day and night, I wouldn’t get changed or shower, I honestly wouldn’t care about me anymore.
I don’t ever want to see anything happen to you okay babe? You mean the world to me.