Throughout my life I’ve come to realize that I’m the needy one. When I was younger, I clung the my mothers leg and only talked to her, my brother and sister. I would talk to my mom through burying my face in her stomach. I constantly blushed and was red in the face even if it was just someone looking at me. In my later years, I was always the one in the relationship that cared more. I always wanted our relationship to go further and longer and now that I’m in a relationship with an actual great guy, it scares the crap out of me. I don’t know how to handle some things because I want our future to be long and endless. I want him to stay every night, all night and I know it’s not fair to want so much from him. I’m trying to be better for him.
This week has been a different one in my life. As I sit here typing away, I am getting cute messages from Conner.
“I love you so much.”
Conner is my boyfriend of 10 months on January 26, 2017. That is such an odd sentence. I cannot even fathom how I feel about this person.
“You’re my favorite person in the world.”
I wish I could sit here and tell you everything about him, every speckle of green in his big brown eyes, every bulging vein in his arms, every dorky smile he’s smiled at me for no reason but that would take years. I would rewrite and retype what I want to say because I would want to describe him so perfectly because that’s what he is; perfect.
Back to what I was saying, as usual I got lost in my endless thoughts about him. We have had such a great week and for a reason we can’t seem to figure out. We have has so many ups and downs in our 10 months that we really deserve to be deeply and passionately into each other again. Now, I am not saying that we haven’t always been that way but for a while it was hard for us. We would fight about the littlest and dumbest things ever. But 2017 is our year, babe.
I pledge to you that I will be better. I pledge that I will pay more attention to your feelings and how I make you feel. I promise that this good week will turn into a good month and then a great year for us.
I have planned out our future many times over in my head. What it will be like to wake up next to you everyday, what it will be like to have you kiss my pregnant belly, what it will be like to kiss you passionately after saying “I do.”
I’m sitting here in class as everyone else laughs and talks loudly to their friends. I sit next to people I’ve said hi to or had some small talk with but not truly friends.